There are many things people look for in a mate. We all have our lists that include a wide variety of traits, ranging from stunning good looks to outgoing personality. In Freudian terms, I’m often said to be stuck in the “anal stage” meaning I pay such close attention to detail that doing so becomes an annoyance to others. That said, I’m sure you can venture to guess that my list of “potential wife credentials” is rather specific. Well, you guessed right; here we go.

First and foremost, I need a good Christian girl. My title may mislead you, but to clear it up, this “spousal requirement” is not a want, but a need. Followers of Jesus Christ were first called “Christians” because their behavior, activity, and speech were like that of Jesus. Today, however, the term “Christian” is highly overused and has perhaps lost its true meaning. A Christian is someone who knows the laws of God, and tries to no end to follow them closely. Furthermore, my girl must know that people don’t get into heaven because of their good deeds, or because they feel they deserve it. We are all sinners who deserve Hell, and we cannot be sinless. We can, however, sin less. I need a girl who’s dedication to God will strengthen mine so that together we can fulfill God’s purpose for our lives better than we could apart. “…a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Proverbs 19:14b

My second requirement ties in with the first, but I want to make it a specific point. The Ten Commandments are a direct quote from God; a simplified, straight forward list that governs the Christian lifestyle. Following these rules is indescribably important in the life of any Christian, and most of them are easy for anyone, Christian or otherwise, to follow. Don’t kill, don’t steal, don’t cheat on your spouse, etc. But one commandment, one rule directly from the mouth of God, is broken constantly, and breaking it yields no worldly punishment. “Do not misuse my name. I am the Lord your God, and I will punish anyone who misuses my name.” Although this commandment has more than one meaning, it’s one meaning in particular that I believe stands out: Do not use the name of the Lord as a swear word. When I hear someone say “Jesus Christ” (in one form or another) out of context, it makes me nauseous; literally sick to my stomach. All that said it should be obvious that my my girl must never, for any reason whatsoever, take the Lord’s name in vain.

Leviticus 18:22 states “Do not practice homosexuality, having sex with another man as with a woman. It is a detestable sin.” 1 Corinthians 6:9 states, “Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders will inherit the kingdom of God.” These are just two of the many biblical references to the sinfulness of homosexuality, and my third requirement is rooted in these verses. My girl must firmly believe, as I do, in what these verses say. I will not spend the rest of my life with someone who’s too ignorant, or just too stupid to understand that homosexuality is a sin punishable by death and eternity in Hell.

I hate smoking, and I don’t want to be a smoker, but for the past several years I’ve been literally surrounded by smokers at work, and when there’s absolutely nothing to do and being inside means looking busy, going out for a smoke has been the favored option among all my coworkers since I started my job in 2005. It’s that contact with smokers that started me smoking, and that keeps me smoking to this day. Now that I’ve been laid off, and I’m starting a new job that will yield much less down time, I can finally give quitting a chance. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with someone, they cannot be a smoker. I want to quit without starting again, and being married to, or even living with a smoker will keep me smoking forever.

Aside from my need to quit, smoking leads to bad health, and I want someone who’s in good health and good shape. I don’t want someone with a family history of every illness known to man, or someone with solid list of psychological issues or phobias, or whose parents are three or four hundred pounds each. I’m a very active person, and I greatly enjoy going out and doing things, as well as staying in and doing things. Whether it’s going to the mall just to walk around and look at cool stuff I can’t afford, or playing intense video games online with my high-performance gaming PC, or even concocting some sort of never before dreamed up entrée using whatever materials I’ve got in the kitchen, I like doing stuff. I don’t want someone who’s mental or physical health is going to hinder my day-to-day life, or theirs. When I get sick, which is an extremely rare occurrence, I don’t let it slow me down. I never call in sick at work; being sick just makes everything that much more challenging, and I like that. To be perfectly clear, my girl must be in good health a vast majority of the time, as I am, always ready to take on a new challenge, as I am, and must have a high tolerance for pain, as I do. I cannot stand it when people whine and complain; it really makes my blood boil. Toughen up, wait it out, and move on.

I don’t really consider myself an “educated” man, per se, but I do have my high school diploma, and it is my intention to one day go to, and graduate from, college. I’m a very driven individual. I have the potential to do great things, and now that I’ve seen and experienced the brutal consequences of taking a full time job and moving out on my own before finishing college, I have begun the long and painful process of correcting that mistake. My next requirement is that my girl be educated, and by “educated” I mean at least high school. People who drop out of high school sicken me. The best job they’ll ever have is behind the counter at a gas station, and that’s only if they “know someone.” I need a girl who is financially independent, and high school dropouts who never look back will be living on minimum wage or welfare for the rest of their lives, that’s a fact.

I don’t want a girl who has children or any previous marriages. When I’m ready for kids I want my own, not someone else’s, and the person one chooses to marry is supposed to be their “one and only someone.” If a girl thought highly enough of someone else to marry them before me, and doing so turned out to be a mistake, what’s to say she’s not making the same mistake with me that she did with the last guy? I believe that a previous marriage ending in divorce is a clear example of how someone jumps to conclusions too quickly and without thinking, and I don’t want a girl who’s impatient, laid back or submissive when it comes to making life changing decisions.

My current girlfriend is another one of those people who claims to be Christian, but really has no understanding of what it means to be a Christian. She is nowhere near prudent; she takes the Lords name in vain at the drop of a hat; she has a worldly “to each his own” view of homosexuality and believes that it’s not a sin; she’s a dedicated smoker despite her terribly poor health; she dropped out of high school and never looked back; she has three children from a previous marriage and cannot have any more children; I could go on, but this isn’t a mindless belittlement of a ex-girlfriend I’m trying to get even with. Why do I consider her my girlfriend? Why is she living with me? What could I possibly see in a person whose name is an embarrassment to bring up around family? I always say it’s because without me, she’d be homeless (which is true), but any poor situations she may be in are her problem. What do I do? Do I kick her out and wish her luck in finding a bridge to sleep under, or do I suffer because of her until someone comes along with a place for her to live? At this point I have too many questions, and not enough answers. What on earth should I do?